Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father's nakedness and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japheth took a cloth, placed it against both their backs, and, walking backward, they covered their father's nakedness; their faces were turned the other way so that they did not see their father's nakedness. When Noah woke up from his wine and learned what his youngest son had done to him, he said, "Cursed be Canaan; the lowest of slaves shall he be to his brothers."
(Genesis 9:22-25)
At some point in childhood we understand that our parents use the bathroom just as we do. When we learn "the facts of life" in early adolescence, we understand that we ourselves are the product of a sexual act of our biological parents -- or, in modern times, of some artificial form of reproduction that brings sperm and egg together in other ways. Those who grow up on a farm witness animals copulating and giving birth before most city dwellers do, but in our high school course in biology, if not before, city dwellers too come to understand that human reproduction mirrors that of other primates. Furthermore, if we have a dog or cat as a pet, we can easily see their organs of elimination and reproduction, and we have no sense that we should cover them as an act of modesty. Why, then, do we have this sense of shame about human organs of elimination and reproduction such that we find it embarrassing if anyone except our mate or our doctor or nurse sees our private parts, including especially our children?
Wherever this sense comes from, it is deeply embedded in us. The Torah expresses that fact not only in this story of Noah and his sons in this second Torah reading of the liturgical year but also in the story in last week's Torah reading, the very first Torah reading, in which Adam and Eve eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and "then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they perceived that they were naked; and they sewed together fig leaves and made themselves loincloths" (Genesis 3:7). Why do we feel that we must cover our own organs of elimination and reproduction when we do not have the same sense about other animals in our care?
First one must understand what this is not. It is not a statement that the parts of our bodies that enable us to eliminate waste and procreate are somehow dirty or bad. Quite the opposite: as part of the creation of God, every part of our body deserves to be seen as nothing short of divine. Thus Jewish tradition has us say a blessing (asher yatar) each time that we emerge from the bathroom, thanking God for making our bodies such that we can eliminate waste. The blessing acknowledges that if we could not do that, we would be in deep trouble. Although there is no similar blessing after an act of sexual intercourse, the two Torah readings that begin the yearly cycle, the same two that announce that we are created in the image of God, also command us to procreate (Genesis 1:28; 9:7). Clearly, then, the requirement to cover our private parts is not because their functioning in elimination and procreation is somehow a bad or embarrassing thing, for we bless God for the ability to do the former and we are commanded to do the latter.
Why, then, do we feel this great need to cover our private parts and find it shameful when they are exposed in public? The key to answering that question is to recognize that shame is the opposite of respect. In both of these first two Torah readings of the liturgical year, the Torah asserts that human beings, unlike other animals, are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27; 5:1; 9:6). This demands a degree of respect from others for our very bodies independent of whatever respect we earn or lose as a result of our actions. Thus even someone guilty of a capital crime is, according to the Torah, to be taken down from the tree on which he or she was hanged before nightfall and buried "for an impaled body is an affront to God" [literally, "a curse of God"] (Deuteronomy 21:23). It is the same respect for the special divine quality in human beings that we must have for ourselves, and one way we exhibit that respect is by covering our private parts in public and insisting that others do the same.
Interestingly, cultures vary widely on what constitutes the private parts that must be covered to express this respect. On some beaches, bathers and swimmers may go naked altogether, and ancient Greek and Roman statues glorified the naked body. Some native cultures in areas unaffected by Western colonialism, especially warm areas near the Equator, do not require women to cover their breasts, and the same is true for the beaches in Nice, France and in some other places. Conversely, as I learned on a hot day during my honeymoon in Bermuda 45 years ago, men must cover their chests there. In some Muslim countries women may only have their eyes showing in public.
Even among Jews, what constitutes "modesty" (tzni'ut) varies by custom. Some Orthodox Jews insist that both men and women be covered from head to toe (with the exception of the face and hands), even on hot days in the summer. Most of us allow both men and women to wear short sleeves and pants on such days. Many of the latter, though, object to men or women wearing sexually suggestive clothing, especially swim wear, for sex, though a divine part of our creation, is supposed to be private.
It is not only in dress that we need to respect ourselves and other people; we must do so in our interactions with them as well. Thus Jewish law specifically prohibits "oppression done by means of words" (o'na'ah b'd'varim). We may not, for example, call people derogatory nicknames, embarrass them by reminding them of mistakes they made in the past, or bring up that a convert to Judaism has ancestors who did not live by Jewish law (Mishnah, Bava Metzia 4:10 and the Talmud thereon).
If these norms govern our interactions with people in general, they are even more important vis-à-vis our parents. We are commanded, after all, to "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Leviticus 19:18), but we are commanded to honor and respect our parents (Exodus 20:12; Leviticus 19:3). Philo, who lived in Alexandria, Egypt in the first century C.E., described this special relationship well:
After dealing with the seventh day [the Fourth of the Ten Commandments], God gives the Fifth Commandment on the honor due to parents. This commandment God placed on the borderline between the two sets of five: it is the last of the first set, in which the most sacred injunctions, those relating to God, are given, and it adjoins the second set, which contain the duties of human beings to each other. The reason, I think, is this: We see that parents by their nature stand on the borderline between the mortal and the immortal sides of existence - the mortal, because of their kinship with people and other animals through the perishable quality of the body; the immortal, because the act of generation assimilates them to God, the progenitor of everything ....
Some bolder spirits, glorifying the name of parenthood, say that a father and mother are in fact gods revealed to sight, who copy the Uncreated in His work as the Framer of life. He, they say, is the Maker of the world; they [the parents] only of those whom they have begotten. How can reverence be rendered to the invisible God by those who show irreverence to the gods who are near at hand and seen by the eye?
(Philo, Treatise on the Decalogue)
We can now understand the story of how Noah's sons reacted to his nakedness. Granted, Noah got drunk and disrespected himself in doing so. This does not excuse his son Ham, however, from adding to Noah's embarrassment by looking at him naked and then describing that state to his brothers. Instead, as Shem and Yafet realized, one must show respect for people by covering their nakedness, for even if they do not respect themselves (in this case because of drunkenness), others must respect them. If that is true for people in general (e.g., inebriated or insane people you see on the street), how much more does this demand apply to our parents.
As more and more of us deal with elderly parents, many of whom lose mental capacity through Alzheimer's and other diseases, we need to remember the lesson embedded in this story as we cover our parents literally and cover for our parents when they say things that are hurtful or make no sense. After all, our parents we are commanded not only to love, but to honor and respect.
May we all act in ways that diminish people's shame and advance their honor as creatures created in the image of God. And may we especially remember this imperative with regard to our parents. They may not have been the ideal parents - few of us are. As Philo said, though, they share traits of God in bringing us into the world and, hopefully, in teaching us the ways of God. Ultimately, unlike Ham and like Shem and Yafet, we need to respect them even if they did not act in ways that brought honor to themselves.
[For more on what Judaism says about the relationships between parents and children, see Chapter Four of my book, Love Your Neighbor and Yourself: A Jewish Approach to Modern Personal Ethics (Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society, 2003) and Chapters Nine and Ten in my book, The Way Into Tikkun Olam (Repairing the World) (Woodstock, VT: Jewish Lights, 2005).]